old friends

Sometimes I think about different people I have known throughout my life, some friends, some acquaintances, some individuals passing through my life. I have a good friend that told me that people come into your life for a specific reason, they may be friends for life or someone that we know only briefly, but there is a purpose for each relationship no matter how brief.

I like to think how these people have made a difference in my life. Some have taught me about life, living in the moment and grabbing the proverbial brass ring. There have been people that taught me to be selfish and be really okay with asking for what I want and taking it when offered. There are some who have, quite frankly, fucked me over, made me question opening myself up to others, made me think that life would be much better living alone in the forest a la Thoreau. Do I have any regrets, of course; but inevitably, even the negative encounters or relationships enrich my life and help me define my place in this amazing community of individuals.

I wonder about these people, their lives, their loves. Ultimately I am probably overly introspective because I am nearly certain that 90 percent of these people don't think about me in the same way. Wouldn't it be interesting though to have a reunion of sorts? Say have a big party of all the people that drifted in and out of your life in the last five to ten years? I can hardly imagine. But what an experience . . .

sometimes you just need

a sappy movie! Okay, I admit it....I watched The Lake House. I know I'm completely jaded when the father-son scene didn't even move me. But the one thing that I did like about the movie was the use of time. I know that many people are critical about changing things that happen in the past, or the present, or whatever. But seriously, it's just a movie...and it's not like it's a masterpiece, it is simply 98 minutes of entertainment. But think about this: would you wait for two years knowing that the love of your life would be waiting for you at the end of that time?

a thought on presidential candidates

I think I have mentioned before that I am a political news junkie, and quite often the news makes me furious. Today was no exception. Some of you may remember at the March political action conference of the American Conservative Union Ann Coulter referred to John Edwards as a "faggot." (Be outraged here.) On Monday she continued her personal attack saying that if she says anything about Edwards she'll say she just wishes "he'd been killed in a terror assassination plot." (Be outraged once again here.)

First of all, there is absolutely no reason that anyone should behave in such a manner. No matter how much one dislikes or disagrees with a person there is no excuse for name calling or wishing for that person's death. The level of political discourse by news/political commentators has become incredibly mean-spirited and lowered the level of debate all over the country. Sadly, politician, who have much better work to do, are left to defend themselves against personal attacks. Is that what we really want to hear about in the next presidential election?

Honestly, I am a fan of John Edwards. Certainly I know about the $400 haircut, his work for a hedge fund and his enormous speaking fee. But who hasn't made errors in judgment? However, those lapses in judgment aside, Mr. Edwards has an amazing drive for the eradication of poverty, and I strongly believe that his passion can help lead this country to a better place. He knows who he is and what he believes.

That is what I want to see in a candidate: emotion and passion. I want someone who is assured of his/her convictions and won't back down in a fight. I want someone with a bold vision that will do everything in her/his power to make it happen. I want someone who fights for the underdog with sincerity and integrity. I want someone who understands the delicate balance of human and environmental issues and has a vision for work on global issues. I want someone who puts a priority on education and helping people move successfully and permanently from welfare to work. I want someone that understands the concepts of human, educational, cultural, and economic capital.

Is this too much to ask? In this political climate perhaps so. But I can hope, I can back the candidate I most believe in, and I can make my voice heard.

a day of firsts

On Thursday night a pipe burst at little j's school; obviously she can't go to school for a few days. In addition she has strep throat, again. And of course Big J is out of town. So what can you do with a 4-year-old who is, as she says, getting over a sick in the middle of summer (don't worry, she's not contagious!). Our first major trip to the library!

little j got her own library card and signed up for the summer reading program. Then she got to pick out as many books as she wanted, which turned out to be about a dozen. And on our way out to the car I told her that we have a lot of books to read, and she said, "Well, that's good because I really want to learn to read." I don't think I need to tell you, dear readers, how completely happy that made me.

Our other first -- little j cooked dinner (mostly) by herself. We had scrambled eggs and toast, nothing too complicated. little j did nearly everything totally on her own with the exception of turning the toast and taking it out of the oven. She broke and beat the eggs. She buttered the bread. She cooked the eggs to perfection (under mom's watchful eye). After dinner she mixed up some pie crust for our special homemade pop tarts that we'll put together in the morning.

All in all, it was a pretty good day, with, as little j pronounced, "A really tasty dinner." I think tomorrow we might tackle something a little more adventurous -- Brussels sprouts!

Baking

I have a desire to bake, bake, bake. Although I love to cook, my strengths are not in the baking area. There are a few things I do well: chocolate chip cookies, birthday cake, and that's about it. But I really want to make fabulous croissants, bread, pie crusts. So, I need to practice, practice, practice. Somehow, I don't think that summer is the best time to take on this new project. In addition, there is no way that our little family could (or should) eat all my baking efforts, so I would need to find friends to benefit (or be guinea pigs). That shouldn't be too hard; who doesn't like yummy treats?

beginning of week 3

They say it takes 3 weeks to form or break a habit. Well, I just started week three of going to the gym. I don't go every day, but at least four times a week. The first week I was really tired when I got home. But this morning I came home and I feel totally energized.

I started going to the gym for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I know that I will feel better if I go regularly. But I suffered a severe case of gym intimidation. I felt like I needed to be in shape before I went to the gym. And it's not even that I'm really overweight, though I can certainly stand to lose a few grad school pounds. It's more just the fact that I really need to start thinking about staying active for long term health. But there's a certain feeling about going to the gym at a university with lots of very fit undergraduates. So, I thought summer would be an ideal time to start. Additionally, and with a pointed comment from a good friend, I realized I am not 18 and there is no point in comparing myself to 18 - 20 year old women. Looking and feeling healthy at age 36 is the goal.

So, back to starting a healthy habit. I am definitely feeling good and have developed some good strategies. One of the reasons I hadn't been exercising is the time commitment. I got it in my head that an hour away from homework/reading/research was a waste of my time, yet somehow I could justify an hour or so a day reading newspaper or magazine articles that had nothing to do with school. So now I print out articles I want to read and keep them in a "workout reading" folder and while I use the treadmill/bike/elliptical I read an article or two. It makes the time fly by and I accomplish two things at once. Then the 15-20 minutes of weights and abs don't seem so "frivolous." Granted, time spent exercising is not frivolously wasted time, but I think that can be one of the barriers for most people.

My goal this summer is to maintain a four-day a week exercise (if I go five, that's great). By the time school starts in the fall and undergraduates return in full force I should have gym confidence!

an old friend is arriving today

June 12 brought the release of season three of Deadwood. Big J and I finished season two in early March and I've been missing the characters, storyline, and the tremendous dialogue of this fabulous series.

So, today I have the first disc of season three arriving. I can hardly wait! In fact perhaps I should cook an appropriate dinner tomorrow night to celebrate the viewing.

Hmmmm......let's see, steak with a coffee spice rub, grilled potatoes or spicy cowboy beans....nothing green because in all my time in South Dakota I saw zero green vegetables with the exception of iceberg lettuce. Perhaps iceberg wedges with blue cheese dressing. And follow that up with a warm berry cobbler. Now I'm getting hungry! It sounds like a plan, and one I know that Big J will love.

A Saturday Dinner

For various reasons I hadn't really planned to cook on Saturday night. However, I did end up cooking dinner and it turned out really good (despite the fact that little j turned up her nose at almost everything).

Saturday Evening Early Summer Patio Dinner:
Blueberry Mojitos
Bitter Greens with Salami
Grilled Seafood (scallops, shrimp, king crab)
with orange saffron aioli
Saffron Orzo
Afton Vineyards Sangiovese

It was a lovely dinner out on patio. Although I must admit there are times when I fix such a dinner that I wish little j was a bit more adventurous with food. But I suppose that is a lot to ask of a 4-year old. To her credit she did really like the saffron orzo. And it more than warmed my heart when she came back from a week away and asked for broccoli, green beans, carrots, and peas. I certainly don't have too much to complain about in the food department!

Our garden

This spring we did a little garden moving and it has really paid off. Our tomato plants are nearly as tall as I am and they look so great. We've had tomatoes on for a little over a week now. We planted lettuce and basil where the tomatoes were and that is all doing well too.

It is this time of year, and especially now that little j is old enough to really help out, that I wish we had a bigger garden spot. We planted Brussels sprouts and we have some very small plants, but I think they would be much better in a larger garden spot not surrounded by daisies and purple cone flower.

The one thing that is really missing from our garden this year is scented flowers. It is nearly time to replace the pansies, so we need to look for something that will add to our patio. Today I learned of a new rose that I would love to add to our garden. I'm not generally a rose person, but I can't resist the Julia Child rose. It is a delightful butter yellow with a spicy scent which is reminiscent of licorice. The rose was approved by Julia before her death. I can think of nothing more that I would like to have in my own garden.

I thought I could be overly obsessive . . .

but no, it is clear after reading this NYT article that I'm not. While I absolutely take pride in how and what I cook, even nightly for my family, I have never risen to the level of anxiety about serving the right cheese, or olives from a certain region. I really don't think that's what food should be about.

In fact I was just reading (yes, I'm still reading it) a chapter from Julia Child's My Life in France and she wrote about a horrible meal that she served but made no excuses for. She writes:

I don't believe in twisting yourself into knots of excises and explanations over the food you made. When one's hostess starts in with self-deprecations such as "Oh, I don't know how to cook . . .," or "Poor little me . . .," or "This may taste awful . . .," it is so dreadful to have to reassure her that everything is delicious and fine, whether it is or not. Besides, such admissions only draw attention to one's shortcomings (or self-perceived short-comings), and make the other person think, "Yes, you're right, this really is an an awful meal!" Maybe the cat has fallen into the stew, or the lettuce has frozen, or the cake has collapsed--eh bien, tant pis!
Usually one's cooking is better than one thinks it is. And if the food is truly vile, as my ersatz eggs Florentine surely were, then the cook must simply grit her teeth and bear it with a smile--and learn from her mistakes.

As an aspiring foodie, I take great comfort from this passage. If Julia can be confident and not apologize for her mistakes, then so can I. It is better to learn and say, "Well, I'll just have to do better next time."

summer memories

I don't necessarily have a lot of great childhood memories and not because I didn't have a good childhood, but because I just don't remember things that happened. In fact, my dear cousin will remind me of stories about things we did together and quite often I ask her if she is making it up. But there are some memories that really stand out.

For example:
Our family had a cabin at what we called "the campsite." The cabin sat on the edge of a large meadow that had a stream (Hog Creek, as we called it) running through. Every summer cousin A and I would catch tiny fish, run from even the smallest of snakes, and play on the "jumping log," a half log that stuck out over the creek and was quite bouncy. We also enjoyed playing with "cha-cha-chee-chee snow," sawdust that is so old it has turned red. We used to throw it up in the air and pretend it was snowing. We built forts, played on the swing made by our grandfather, took outdoor showers, made s'mores, sang campfire songs, went for bike rides, and spent long days making up stories and pretending we were famous. Those summers at the campsite are some of the best memories a girl can have.

an observation about me

I generally have no idea what people think about me. I mean, I think that people probably think I'm nice, generally smart, perhaps reserved or maybe even a bit of a snob. But then sometimes people will say something about me and I think, "Where did they get that idea?"

For example, I was talking to one of my friends about movies and she told me that she thought I would prefer dramas. While I do enjoy dramas I actually like pretty much any movie except seriously heavy sci-fi or sappy melodramas (think The Notebook or Message in a Bottle). But I love a good thriller, a high impact action film, a laugh-out-loud comedy, and the occasional scare the crap out of you horror flick. I like stylish, I like different, I like crazy.

I wonder how much you can ever really know about someone. I think I know almost everything there is to know about Big J, but then again there are things that he doesn't know me, that I haven't shared with anyone. So I'm sure that there are things about him that I don't know and will probably never know. But I think it's interesting how you can think you know someone, even superficially and then be wrong about something as seemingly simple as movie tastes or music.

But the even deeper question is how do we choose what parts of ourselves we let people see? And why is it that the simple things can often be deceiving?