confessions of a ChapStick addict

Certainly this subject could have a dedicated blog, but lest I become addicted to blogging about ChapStick addiction, I will confine my comments to one entry here. Yes, it is true, I am a ChapStick addict. Well, not ChapStick exclusively, but lip balm in general. I do have an affinity for strawberry ChapStick as well as Burt's Bees Lip Balm, but really anything that one might put on their lips to retain moisture is generally good enough for me.

This would go a long way in explaining why I can find at least one tube in every coat pocket, purse, desk drawer, and crap basket around my home. Not to mention in my knitting basket, on all three side tables, on the kitchen counter, in the bathroom, and beside my bed. Oh, and of course in my desk drawer at the office I rarely use and the drawer in my study carrel at the library. And in many cases it's not just one tube, it's at least two. (Oh, did I mention both cars?) So there it is. My sordid addiction to lip balm exposed for all the world to see.

Only there is a problem: apparently lip balm has no addictive properties. Generally people that use lip balm continuously are "lip lickers" or "mouth breathers" of which I am neither (well unless I have a cold). So how to explain my "addiction?"

I've actually come up with the hypothesis (not yet a theory because I haven't scientifically, or otherwise, tested it) that I use lip balm when I am thinking, perplexed, need a mental break, etc. It is the equivalent to saying "ummm" in speech. Now all I need to do is devise an experiment in which I test my hypothesis. However, that might mean giving up lip balm for a period of time, and I think we all know that will never happen. I mean, seriously, can one reasonably be expected to give up something so innocuous? It's not like I go in the kitchen and knock back a dixie cup of vodka every time I hit a mental wall.

So for now, I will continue to freely use lip balm. However, if you would like to volunteer for the addiction study let me know. We'll set something up. And of course there would be compensation: a year's supply of strawberry ChapStick.