thoughts on being a "good girl"

I'm one of those women that people are shocked to hear swear. Which to me is funny, I swear constantly--if not aloud, then at least to myself. I know that some people contend that people who swear don't know how to use language effectively and therefore resort to swearing. Not so, at least in my case. I can express myself very well, thank you. Sometimes I think an expletive is just what is called for, especially when it is unexpected. It is much more powerful when people assume you are prim and proper.

I have to wonder how I gained, and continue to perpetuate, this "good girl" reputation. It could be because I am reserved and, more often than not, a listener as opposed to a talker. This is not to say that I don't like to talk, but rather I detest small talk. If there is one thing I despise in life it is mingling with people I don't know and talking about superficial topics just to be nice. Of course when pressed I can do it...after all, ten years in admissions will make almost anyone comfortable in those situations.

But back to being a good girl -- here's one thing: I grew up with my grandparents who were fairly strict and definitely had their own ideas about how girls should dress. Therefore, I was not allowed to wear jeans to school, and instead usually wore skirts and dresses. As you might imagine, for someone growing up in the '80s this made me completely unpopular. And, no doubt, contributed to my reputation. Oh, and I probably don't even need to mention I was a band geek. And I was in all the honors and AP classes, so I was also a brainy nerd.

Given this teenage experience I think I assumed that I would never be popular, boys would never like me, and I would just go through life with no one noticing me. And if people did notice me I thought they would just see me as another average person that they just looked right through. And in some ways, I think that is true, even to this day.

So back to swearing. I think I enjoy it in part because of the shock value. I like seeing the look on a person's face when they never expected to hear something so filthy come out of my mouth. Because the truth is, inside, I'm actually a very bad girl.