what it feels like to be halfway to 72

Last year I joked that I was halfway to 70. This year I am halfway to 72...what happened to 71? Somehow over the course of the last year 71 got lost. When I pointed this out to Big J the other day he looked at me like I had finally gone over the edge. Sure, I know how numbers work, but it's still a bit disconcerting to think about losing a year -- even though it's mathematically correct.

I slept like crap last night. Was it the excitement of the pending birthday? Hardly. More like the anxiety of the looming proposal deadline. But it's fun to think about being a kid again, wide awake on the eve of my birthday knowing that the next day will be all about me!

little j turned 4 on Saturday and had great fun at her party. Of course with two ponies, a donkey, rabbits, and 14 friends, who wouldn't have fun? We only had one minor incident when little j was blowing out the candles, apparently not quickly enough, and she got help from her friend's 2-year-old brother. A few tears, but nothing that wasn't solved with cake and ice cream.

I suppose all mothers have similar remembrances, but around this time of year, and particularly because our birthdays are forever entwined, I can't help but think about little j's birth and what it felt like to hold her for the first time, the mixture of joy and a bit of fear when I realized Big J and I were now responsible for this tiny little person who would rely on us for everything. As she gets older and (much) more independent, I feel a bit nostalgic for those days, but I am also excited by this age and the years to come. Yes it is cliche, but never in my life did I dream I could love someone so much.

So how does it feel to be 36? Better than I ever expected.