why it sucks to be introspective

It's been a while since I've posted. Over a week, actually. I just haven't been feeling myself.

I've been thinking a lot about my life, my goals, my dreams, etc. The other day I wondered if it was too late to apply to medical school. Let me tell you, I shook that off quickly. Nevertheless, I am left with the feeling that I am not headed in the right direction. I mentioned that to Big J, who, while supportive, was a little freaked out (he'd never admit it, but I could tell). The same day the medical school thought came to me, I also considered looking at programs to become a counselor. Seriously, have I nothing better to do? Apparently I do, but I am preoccupied with what I can't do.

One of my favorite articles is "Sharing the Costs of Growth" by William Perry. It is about understanding the need to grieve both good transitions and difficult ones. For example, when a student makes the decision to major in a particular subject area, they close the door on all the other majors they had previously considered. This is not to say that the student can't continue to cultivate interest in other areas, but a choice has to be made. And once the choice is made there has to be some time to reflect on choices lost. Now to some, this may seem like a trivial thing, but to others it can have an impact whether they consciously realize it or not.

So where does the introspection come? I think I know way to much about developmental issues. You know how they say med school students start to experience symptoms of everything they read about? Well, I think that also might be true in my case at times. Except instead of physical illness, I am constantly evaluating my identity, emotional, moral, intellectual development. There can definitely be too much of a good thing. Because it's not just, "How do I feel?" It's become, "Why do I feel the way I do, what are the causes and potential remedies?" And then I try to answer all these questions on my own and get mired down.

I think that people who are not particularly self-aware are perhaps happier. There is a great deal of truth to the cliche: Ignorance is bliss.