expectations for an old-fashioned family Christmas

Every year I have what can only be termed as unrealistic holiday expectations. For example, I expect a white Christmas (I have no control over the weather), a calm and leisurely Christmas morning (we have a four-year old), wonderful surprises under the tree (sometimes it happens), and gourmet holiday fare (again with the four-year old). I think I need to ratchet down my expectations, but I'm not really sure how to go about that.

The one thing I will grant is that in our second year of Christmas in our own home we are making family traditions, something I love. My family and Big J's family traditions are not too dissimilar, so it has not been difficult to find common ground. And, to be perfectly frank, I generally win out in any dispute (e.g., Christmas dinner at 6:30 as opposed to 2 or 3 in the afternoon). But then we have those little traditions that we are both pretty nonchalant about ( such as what treats to leave out for Santa), so we let little j take the lead on those (this year she is leaving out homemade marshmallows -- yum!).

So what is the secret for successful, stress-free holidays? I suspect it is having realistic expectations. But that is a lot to ask in this holiday obsessed culture. The portrayals of large families gathering, tearful reunions, forgiveness, sparkly surprises under the tree are all well and good, but they do little to enhance the "real" holiday experiences most of us have. In fact, I would argue, that in some way they take away from the real experience if only because they serve to create levels of expectations that can never be met.

After all -- is there any fictionalized Christmas story that actually ends up with a daughter storming away from the table with the mother in tears, followed by 12 hours of stony silence until the daughter can pack up the car and leave? Of course not! Any argument is inevitably followed by apologies and weeping and self-admonishment for whatever behavior was deemed unacceptable by both parties. Show me unresolved family holiday conflict in a movie and I'll show you a real old-fashioned family Christmas.