passion

One of my favorite movies is Big Night, a film I would highly recommend if you haven't seen it. It is one of those films that is, on the surface, comedy but has a twist that is so poignant it nearly breaks my heart. At the center of the film is Primo, beautifully portrayed by Tony Shaloub, who has a passion for cooking and does not understand why Americans insist on ordering spaghetti and meatballs. The climax of the film comes when he prepares Timpano for the "big night."

As he presents the Timpano to the dinner guests their awe is clear, but the visual spectacle that is Timpano is nothing compared to its taste. As they take bite after bite, the patrons look at each other, smile, make delighted sounds, and reach for more. It is the ultimate compliment. Within that moment a cook knows she has brought pleasure to friends and family. I suppose it is not unlike the feeling an actor has at curtain call, or musician at the end of a symphony. And it is not about receiving praise. Rather, it is truly about bringing pleasure to individuals in a way they might not be able to provide themselves.

Perhaps, then, that is my quest as an educator. Why am I passionate about educational access for low-income students? Certainly I believe that every qualified individual has a right to attend college regardless of income. As a first-generation college student from a relatively poor family, I know first hand the difference going to college can make in one's life. I have vivid memories of sitting in the classroom my freshman year, listening to lectures and thinking, "I'm in college. I'm a college student." The revelation was almost surreal. Not that I ever doubted I would be there, and the expectation was always that I would attend, but for a young woman with a difficult and strange childhood, the actual attainment of a childhood dream is often unexpected and disconcerting.

I fervently want other students to experience that same feeling. The feeling of awe and wonderment as they sit in the classroom surrounded by learners, mesmerized by faculty excited about the opportunity to teach whatever they are passionate about. I ask myself nearly every day how I can make a difference for those students. It is a daunting task.

During graduate school I have wavered between returning to student affairs, moving to an academic and research position, or diving head first into the policy arena of higher education. Maybe I should be satisfied knowing that as a student affairs professional I can make a difference in the lives of a handful of individuals, but the yearning to do more will still be there.